For seven years after LaFon gave my ex-wife custody of my daughter, relegating me to an every other weekend visitor in Maggie’s life, I made the roundtrip drive from Memphis, Tennessee to Huntingdon, Tennessee without fail.
On May 27, 2000, I remarried; her name is Glenda. Before I asked Glenda to marry me, I talked to Maggie (then 5) and asked her if it would be okay, and Maggie shouted “yes!”. I asked Glenda to marry me at 12:00:15 am on January 1, 2000; earlier that evening I got Maggie a “Happy New Year” balloon. When Glenda said “yes”, of course, I gave her an engagement ring, and I gave Maggie her balloon. Later, when Maggie would tell people that Glenda and I were getting married, she would say, “Glenda got a ring, but I got a BALLOON!” Of course, that balloon was more important than any old ring.
At our wedding, Maggie was the flower girl. But more importantly, Maggie was a part of the ceremony. Before Glenda and I said our vows, Maggie came up and I knelt down to her and said, “Maggie, I love you more than any daddy could love his daughter, and I love Glenda more than any husband could love his wife. Nothing will ever change that.” I then picked Maggie up and held her close to Glenda, who told Maggie that she loved her and that she is not a replacement for Maggie’s mother; she then thanked Maggie for letting her be a part of her family. During the reception, in addition to the wedding cake and the groom's cake, Maggie had a "Barney" cake (Maggie used to love Barney).
My second daughter, Cayla, was born in June, 2001. Prior to her birth, we made sure that Maggie was involved as much as possible. There was a sibling class at Baptist Women’s Hospital that we took her to so she could learn how to help with the baby. During one of my two weeks of summer visitation, we took Maggie with us to a prenatal doctor’s visit, and Maggie got to see an ultrasound of her baby sister and listen to the amplified heartbeat. We also got Maggie a “I’m the BIG SISTER” t-shirt. Cayla was born the day after I had to take Maggie back to her mother’s house in Huntingdon. On the following Tuesday evening (I was “privileged” to have the court order my ex-wife to allow me to call Maggie every Tuesday and Thursday at 7:00 pm for 10 minutes), when I called Maggie, I gave the phone to Glenda, and Cayla sort of gurgled. Maggie started giggling and asked if that were Cayla, and Glenda said yes. Maggie was excited to hear her baby sister.
The next weekend that I had Maggie, we had a “Welcome Home” party for Cayla, and Maggie made a big sign which we put on the door. In July, when I had my second week in the summer, I took Maggie for a three day trip for some father-daughter time because I did not want her to feel neglected because of the new addition to our family.
In 2006, I ran for the office of Juvenile Court Judge for Memphis and Shelby County (I did not win, but that is another story). During the summer campaign, Maggie (then 11) wanted to help, which I let her do. She even designed a flyer which I printed and handed out. She also went to some of the campaign events to help.
I am telling these events for one reason - to show that Maggie was never made to feel less important than any other member of the family. Maggie was, rather is, loved by Glenda, Cayla, her extended family (and there are a lot of them), and ME.
Thanksgiving of 2006 was the last time I saw Maggie. As I alluded to in my last post, in September 2006, everything went crazy. The reason is PAS - Parental Alienation Syndrome. I will detail the events in my next couple of posts, but the players are:
Judge - Madison County Circuit Court Judge Don Allen
Psychologist - Robert W. Kennon, of Jackson, Tennessee
GAL - Angela Snider, of Jackson, Tennessee
ex-wife’s attorney - Steve West, of McKenzie, Tennessee
In order to understand the psychodynamics of PAS, here is a link to the Social Work Today journal, with an article entitled: Parental Alienation Syndrome — The Parent/Child Disconnect, by Amy J. L. Baker, PhD. The signs and symptoms described by Dr. Baker are the classic signs, and were ever present in my own case.
http://www.socialworktoday.com/archive/102708p26.shtml
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete